The Racket Friday FAQ: Volume 1
It's Friday and I feel sick of words, but some of you folks have had questions about my fledgling blog, so I'm introducing a feature called "Friday FAQ." Original, no? Here's where you can ask me anything you want—as long as it's related somehow to what you've read here—and I'll answer it in the next installment. Easy, breezy, beautiful. So let's dip into the e-mailbag and see what's there.
Q: Damn, dude! Why are all your stories so depressing? And why so much about the drinking and the getting drunk? Do you have a drinking problem?
A: Misery sells! You need only to look at your local TV listings and see how many spinoffs there are of Law and Order and CSI to know that. It's a universal truth that we feel best about our life when we can verify how miserable in comparison someone else's life is. But the bottom line is that these stories are true; I'm just reporting them as I recall them. Now, the drinking part? Well, if you grew up where I did, you'd have drunk just as much, if not more, to combat the soul-crushing boredom of living there. There's nothing else to do in Small Town America except drink or have sex. It just happens that, so far, I've written more about the drinking. And no, I don't have a drinking problem.
Q: Are you sure?
A: Positive.
Q: You could be in denial.
A: I'm not.
Q: Well, I'm going to keep my eye on you just in case. Let's go back to what you said about these stories being "true." How do we know that you're not making all this up?
A: You don't, but I assure you that every story is based on a real event. For the sake of brevity, I may have combined a few events into one story, but it all happened. See, I've been keeping a journal for the better part of my 20-something years; even if it's not an objective retelling, I've at least got the facts right.
Q: So the people you've written about, do they know you're telling the world all their business? I mean, aren't you worried that they're gonna find out and be really, really pissed?
A: No and no. Though if he ever found this site, Ross might be mad. But then again, he's a tool so I don't give a shit. Still, I have changed all the names and some identifying information, so unless they're like, Encyclopedia Brown or something, I'm not concerned with anyone being upset. Besides, I don't even know who's reading this stuff anyway, let alone someone in any of the stories.
Q: Oh yeah, speaking of Ross, do you think that anything ever happened between him and his sisters?
A: I don't. I hope not! Although about three years ago, I was out somewhere and saw his one sister, Shallow, and when I ran into Ross shortly after that, I mentioned that I'd seen her:
Q: That's fucking nasty. So hey, one last question. The site, why is it called "The Racket"?
A: Because when I lived at home, I liked to play my music at top volume and it would drive my dad bonkers. He'd come in the room and yell, "Turn off that damn racket!"
Alright, that's it for today. Tune in next time for more FAQs. Hopefully, someone will eventually ask me about music.
Q: Damn, dude! Why are all your stories so depressing? And why so much about the drinking and the getting drunk? Do you have a drinking problem?
A: Misery sells! You need only to look at your local TV listings and see how many spinoffs there are of Law and Order and CSI to know that. It's a universal truth that we feel best about our life when we can verify how miserable in comparison someone else's life is. But the bottom line is that these stories are true; I'm just reporting them as I recall them. Now, the drinking part? Well, if you grew up where I did, you'd have drunk just as much, if not more, to combat the soul-crushing boredom of living there. There's nothing else to do in Small Town America except drink or have sex. It just happens that, so far, I've written more about the drinking. And no, I don't have a drinking problem.
Q: Are you sure?
A: Positive.
Q: You could be in denial.
A: I'm not.
Q: Well, I'm going to keep my eye on you just in case. Let's go back to what you said about these stories being "true." How do we know that you're not making all this up?
A: You don't, but I assure you that every story is based on a real event. For the sake of brevity, I may have combined a few events into one story, but it all happened. See, I've been keeping a journal for the better part of my 20-something years; even if it's not an objective retelling, I've at least got the facts right.
Q: So the people you've written about, do they know you're telling the world all their business? I mean, aren't you worried that they're gonna find out and be really, really pissed?
A: No and no. Though if he ever found this site, Ross might be mad. But then again, he's a tool so I don't give a shit. Still, I have changed all the names and some identifying information, so unless they're like, Encyclopedia Brown or something, I'm not concerned with anyone being upset. Besides, I don't even know who's reading this stuff anyway, let alone someone in any of the stories.
Q: Oh yeah, speaking of Ross, do you think that anything ever happened between him and his sisters?
A: I don't. I hope not! Although about three years ago, I was out somewhere and saw his one sister, Shallow, and when I ran into Ross shortly after that, I mentioned that I'd seen her:
Ross: Oh yeah? What was she wearing?
Me: Uh, I don't remember, really. A miniskirt? Green? Sandals?
Ross: That was definitely her. She looked sexy, didn't she?
Me: *blank stare*
Q: That's fucking nasty. So hey, one last question. The site, why is it called "The Racket"?
A: Because when I lived at home, I liked to play my music at top volume and it would drive my dad bonkers. He'd come in the room and yell, "Turn off that damn racket!"
Alright, that's it for today. Tune in next time for more FAQs. Hopefully, someone will eventually ask me about music.
posted by Iseult at 4:18 PM
2 Comments:
Music Question: What the hell with Pearl Jam? Honestly, explain that to me because as far as I can tell, that's some shitty fucking music.
i love me some pearl jam. they were totally THE band my best friend and i listened to in high school. i don't like much of their music after vitalogy but anything before is gold.
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